a part of me
by anameii
Summary: And as I feel something shift in my suddenly nauseous stomach, the final one hits me hard: I'm pregnant.
1. 01

**AN:** Hello, welcome to an altered version of Bella's pregnancy journey.

As a heads up, I am a femslash shipper so this will not be a Bella/Edward fic. I have an idea of which Twilight girl I want to eventually pair her with but I will leave it to the story how it ends up (if I even get that far).

Also, I am not sure yet what I will be posting beyond the first couple chapters. I am going to be writing these as I get inspiration. The only thing I do know is that they will all be short. I'm talking around 1,000 something words each chapter, maybe less and maybe more depending.

This is because I am mostly doing this to get back into writing. I took a long break to focus more on school work, internships and a job; though I did try to write every once in a while. [as evident in the constant editing of my other stories multiple times throughout the year.] This is one of the things I managed to spit out in that time. And so I decided to not fuss about chapter length or solid story lines and just put it out there.

Basically, it'll be kind of similar to what I've done with through the flames as it seems I am forever doomed to having stray thoughts and not fully planned out stories.

Anyways, hope you all enjoy while it lasts.

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 **.:.**

* * *

Two weeks have passed since I lost my virginity to Edward.

It had been the start of our honeymoon. He hadn't wanted to go through with it but I had managed to convince him. It was our first night alone as a married couple, after all, and it was expected of us to consummate our marriage. That had been all I needed to say to get him to fall into bed with me.

And we did.

But it was far from what I'd expected.

I had known from the moment he asked me to marry him that I would end up 'dying' a virgin if I left it up to him, and that was not something I wanted for myself. He might be proud of keeping his own purity but the only reason for my own were his concerns of possibly hurting me.

So finally getting him to stop avoiding the topic of sex felt like such an accomplishment to me then.

Our whole relationship, he had always refrained from going any further than chaste kissing and some cuddling. And even knowing he was only scared of hurting me with his strength, I felt the sting of rejection every time he pulled away from me.

But he wasn't going to pull away that night.

No, I knew I would finally get what I wanted, and I had been high with anticipation the entire ride to the island because of it.

We had arrived mid afternoon at a beautiful single-story house with see-through glass making up a good portion of the walls. It was like the ideal vacation home version of the Cullen's place in Forks, decorated with light wood and glamorous furnishing. Within an hour of arriving, our luggage had been unpacked and put away, and then Edward had whisked me away on a beautiful tour.

And I had fallen in love with it.

Where the Cullen's home in Forks was surrounded by large, trimmed trees all around, this house was surrounded by a sandy beach that faded out into the thicket of wild, untamed woods. There'd been a feeling of peace in the nature permitting the whole area, the stray sounds of small creatures and crashing waves all there was to be heard on the small, vacant island.

I hadn't thought I would love it as much as I did when I'd first learnt of the Cullen's private island; but I had.

I'd taken a shower as soon as we returned to the house while he'd been off apparently preparing a five-course meal for me, or at least what passed for one outside a restaurant. There were lit candles all along the table and flowers centered in the middle of the outside venue. It had been the perfect precursor to a night of love.

I'd eaten with the sweetest of butterflies nestled in my stomach, heart slowly pulsing in tune with nature's song. I had not felt that calm and relaxed in a while, and I'd thought it meant only great things for the night ahead.

But it turned out to be the calm before a rather overly complicated storm of a first time.

He had left me to read in the beautifully decorated den as he went off to hunt in preparation. We'd both wanted him to be fully sated before we attempted making love. Better to be safe than sorry, and all that. Neither of us could have known his doing so would only exacerbate things as his instincts flared to life after the recent feeding.

It was like I'd made love to a wild cat in humanoid form. I still had marks from his possessive grip on me.

At first, he had been careful and gentle, undressing me with eyes full of his love for me. I had undressed him in kind and we'd fallen to the bed in a tangle of limbs, trading soft kisses back and forth and exploring naked skin with curious hands.

And then he seemed to inhale deeply as he moved down to kiss my neck and things went sideways from there.

When he next made eye contact with me, the only thing I could distinguish within his gaze was desire, a primal sort of desire that burned into me. I don't remember much of the night after that. Things had gotten hazy as my adrenaline had spiked and a strange mix of desire and fear had swirled within me as he took my virginity in one thrust and drove into me all night.

I'm not sure when exactly he'd taken that first push into me. I only remember the stinging ache that came with my loss and how it had faded to pained pleasure at some point, my rapidly beating heart pounding in my ears all the while, overpowering my screams and his growled grunts.

I'd awoken to a destroyed bedroom and an empty bed the following morning.

My body had been tangled inside the sheets as though I'd been carefully wrapped in them. The canopy that had once framed the bed no longer hung above it but had rather laid strewn with holes on the floor beside the bed. And then I'd realized the sheets that'd been on the bed the night before were also torn beside it and the one I was holding to my chest as I looked around was a fresh one from the closet.

It had been a shocking image to wake to alone.

Later, after I'd showered off the dried sweat and such I was covered in, I spent a while cleaning it all up. The marks that littered my body were a bright, stinging red then, and I counted seven distinct ones before I had pushed aside thoughts of it. By the time he'd returned with nothing but a light kiss upon my head and a question of what I wanted for breakfast, it was almost like the night before had never happened.

And he took that and ran with it.

That day, he had asked me what I wanted to do for the next two weeks and knowing he did not want to talk about _it_ , I'd diligently spouted out some of the activities I'd been told about. From then on, he had reverted back to avoiding the subject of sex and keeping our interactions as innocent as possible.

But it'd been different then, I hadn't minded it because I was engaging in the avoidance too.

It just hadn't been the night I'd thought it would be. I had desired that level of physical affection with him from the moment I realized I loved him, yet when the moment finally came, it did not live up to the images I'd pictured. And so I did not want to bring it up for fear of uncovering anything more about the night, the parts I can't recall.

Our honeymoon is over now though. We made it through the two weeks by immersing ourselves in all the fun the island had to offer, doing things I can carry in happy memory.

It was worth that night just to experience diving in clear waters and hiking to high mountaintops.

And maybe, once I've been turned into a vampire and can experience things on his level, we can try it again.

With a sigh as the last of my musings leave my mind, I get up from the bed and start the long process of packing. The mess that has accumulated in the house in the time we've been here is actually pretty impressive but it'll be a pain to clear up. Reaching out, I pick up a shirt I'd thrown onto the vanity table at some point, adding it to the growing pile by my opened luggage, and come to a stop as I see my tampons laying underneath.

The same tampons I bought right before leaving Forks in anticipation of my period coming in the following days. The same ones I have yet to touch since we arrived a little over two weeks ago. The ones from the same brand I last used over a month ago.

And my first thought at seeing them is that I've had a regular cycle since I first got it.

The only time it'd been irregular was the months of depression I'd lapsed into following the Cullens sudden leave from Forks. And it had gone right back to a regular monthly cycle right after. I have never been more than two days late on my period and it has now been 11 days past the date I should have gotten it.

At that moment, as all those thoughts cycle through my mind, three things become clear.

One: I'm late, way past due.

Two: I'm no longer a virgin who has nothing to worry about.

And as I feel something shift in my suddenly nauseous stomach, the final one hits me hard: I'm pregnant.

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 **.:.**

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 **AN:** So... thoughts? I think this is my first time ever doing first person and it feels like I write too formally for that.


	2. 02

**AN** : You don't understand how proud of myself I am for finishing this so soon. Enjoy!

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 **.:.**

* * *

Okay, so I _think_ I'm pregnant.

There's no guarantee I am. There could be another reason for why my way overdue period is taking so long to come. And yes, that other reason might very well be something awful because nothing good messes up my period cycle, but at least it won't be _that_.

And I mean, there's no way I could actually be pregnant. The only person I've slept with is a vampire for God's sake. It just can't be possible.

I freely admit I didn't pay much attention in biology after meeting Edward, but two distinct species shouldn't be able to conceive. At least, I would think they shouldn't. But then there is that whole liger thing. And aren't mules a product of donkeys and horses or something? So if that's possible, humans and vampires may still be similar enough to reproduce.

Which means I might have very well been knocked up by my vampiric husband and his vampiric seed.

 _Fuck_.

Okay, you know what, it's okay. I'm fine. There's no guarantee. I'm okay. And I need to calm down because I'm starting to feel faint, and oh God please don't let that be a symptom. Okay, calm down, deep breaths. In and out. In and out. Okay.

Think.

I don't know for sure if I'm even pregnant so it is not time for me to be freaking out. I need to confirm it first, that's what I have to do. I need to take that pee test, maybe take it twice to be on the safe side, and then I'll see whether freaking out is necessary.

So test first.

Which means I need to head to the pharmacy because there's no way I'm getting it from the grocery store and risking someone I know seeing me. I should be able to slip in and out of the pharmacy quickly enough that no one is ever the wiser. And I should probably park my truck a ways away because it is far too noticeable.

That damn cherry red.

And then I'm in the car on my way to the pharmacy store minutes after coming to that decision when I realize there's a very critical flaw in my plans.

Alice _._

 _Fuck._

She could see me choosing the pregnancy test, or she might see me decide to take it, but either way I'm fucked if she sees anything so I'm not sure whether to go through with it. Though really, any sort of hesitation is good in this situation right? Hesitation means she won't be able to see my actions because I haven't committed to taking them.

And I've done it once before, subverting her visions to get to the abandoned ballet studio back in Phoenix, so I should be able to do it again. Hopefully, I've thought of it just in time since I'm nowhere near ready to deal with anyone else's thoughts about this.

I mean, I don't even have confirmation yet.

Pulling into the back of the small town center in Forks, I make sure to park in the furthest spot from the pharmacy then make my way there with my hood up and my hands stuffed in the pockets to keep them from fidgeting.

I really hope I can get back home and take it with no issues.

There's no one there when I enter, not even someone behind the counter, and I send out a whispered 'thank you' up above. Quickly making my way over to the right section, I grab the first two pregnancy tests I see. The first rule of avoiding Alice's visions: make split second decisions that won't ping anywhere near her radar.

Spontaneity is key here.

I grab the boxes and head up to the counter, tapping the conveniently placed bell so someone can come ring me up.

Moments later, a guy comes out from what I'm guessing is a storage room and rings me up with nothing but a 'hey' and the total of my purchase. His indifference to what I'm buying goes a long way to curving my anxiety of doing so. I never thought I'd be one of those girls who end up in this sort of situation.

I wasn't even interested in anyone before Edward had sparked my curiosity. Well, the Cullens as a whole had sparked it but he was the first one I met and his actions had only left me with more questions.

I'm back in the truck and on my way home within five minutes of getting to the pharmacy, and my heart has sped up exponentially in that time.

My mind is filled with shouted prayers of 'please, don't let it be so' and my grip on the steering wheel is impossibly tight. The bag containing the tests sits on the passenger seat besides me and I glance at it every other second anxiously. My whole future is going to be determined by the results of those two tests.

As I get out of the truck and head inside up to the bathroom, the weight of the bag in my hand leaves a heaviness settling in my stomach.

I lock the door as soon as I get in and turn to look at my face in the mirror.

It's drawn with worry and concern and I place the bag aside for a moment as I splash some water on my face. I take in a few deep breaths, only releasing them after three seconds in an attempt at lowering my heart rate. And then I reach out for the first test, reading the instructions on the box as I sit down on the toilet.

Placing it directly under me as directed, I'm left waiting a few seconds until the pee finally comes out and the little stick is sufficiently covered.

But the two minutes I then have to wait for the result to come through are the longest two minutes of my life and so I stand up, pacing back and forth with my hand on my stomach as I wait for it. I really don't know what I'm going to do if it ends up being positive. I mean, how the hell am I going to raise a baby, one that's half vampire at that.

The moment the alarm I'd set on my phone goes off, I stop my stride and freeze up.

This is it, the answer on this little stick will either release me from this overwhelming stress or change the course of my entire life.

I take in one last deep breath and hold it for a good four seconds before exhaling, and then I turn to the stick I left on the bathroom counter and pick it up to see what my future holds.

A blue plus sign stares back at me and my stomach drops.

I'm pregnant.

Oh no, _no_ , it can't be.

I throw the stick in the trash and hurry to take out the other box, quickly opening it and squatting over the toilet bowl to pee on it. I count the seconds this time, taking measure to say Mississippi between each one to make sure I am not counting too fast. As soon as I hit 120 seconds, I'm looking at the stick on the counter and staring at it as though that will change the outcome.

Another blue plus sign glares back at me and I look at it for a good minute before I finally resign myself to the truth.

I'm pregnant.

I'm pregnant, and the baby I'm carrying was put in me by a _vampire_. The same vampire I stupidly fell in love with despite all warning signs directing me not to. My life can't be more of a cliche teen movie. Except, it's not, and there's no way for me to know what the hell I'm supposed to do now.

I mean, I don't even know what this baby is going to look like, how it's going to turn out with a vampire for a father. Is it going to look like me and grow like me, is it going to eat like me? Or is it going to be some evil spawn that's created to take over the world for the source of all evil?

Oh God, am I Phoebe Halliwell now?

Is Edward the demon masquerading as a human that I fall in love with and am convinced is not the evil others (mostly him) claim to be?

 _Oh fuck._

I really need to calm down. I'm thinking in crazy now.

I occupy myself with cleaning up the mess I made, hiding the contents of the box under other garbage and ripping the boxes so that they lay inside out. And then I quickly come to realize that might not be enough and I tie up the bag and go throw it out in the trash bin outside. I take the kitchen trash out for good measure to cover it up.

And then I'm in my room, sitting on my bed and staring down at my stomach, hands resting on it.

 _I'm pregnant._

It shouldn't have been possible. Humans and vampires are two different species, vampires don't even have heartbeats let alone the biological activity needed for reproduction. But all implausibilities aside, it's happened.

I've been impregnated by a vampire.

And now that it's been confirmed by two small blue positives, I have to tell Edward.

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 **.:.**

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 **AN** : None of this was written from experience so I hope I got it right. Thoughts?


End file.
